A Complete Guide: How to Raise Your Kids for Success
Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and Hillary Clinton are the latest examples to prove that in our Good Old United States of America anyone can rise to the top! Your Timmy can also make it to the Top. Have Faith.
There is Always Room at The Top!
Just follow the instruction in This Guide to Raise Your Kids For The Top Slot. But, be advised; it is not for the faint hearts. If you have the delicate constitution and don’t have the stomach for the blunt truth, it may be time for you to STOP here – may we suggest reading about the ‘Prince’ William Arthur Philip Louis and Kate Middleton’s recent trip to New York, instead?
But, if you are determined and hell bent to prepare your kids for the top slot, then here we go.
Your Guide to Prepare Your Kids For The Top Slot
The Preface:
Times are tough, and getting tougher. The cost of education has risen beyond the reach of most of us. Budget cuts are drying up the available grants and scholarships fast. Getting loans for college is becoming even more difficult. In the era long by gone, banks were eager to give loans to anyone pursuing any discipline (or, even no discipline at all!). Time has now changed, banks want to make sure if your Timmy or Tammy, or you for that matter, will have any potential to pay back the four times the amount what they ‘gave’ you. So, a study in fields of “Sociology, Psychology, Fine Arts, and History etc” won’t cut it. You will have to do better than that.
For the ‘run-of-the-mill’ type of job prospects, you can transform your home into a class room – with no TV, music, or games anywhere around, get the best tutoring in the town, push the kids into all the Accelerated, Honors, and AP courses, and hope that your kids will end up in the Top 1% bracket in the entire School District, They may (that is still a BIG may!) get scholarships to cover 25% to 60% of the tuition to pursue higher education leading to a professional degree, i.e., Software Engineering or Medicine/Drugs. They will have to maintain their high GPA all the way to the end, otherwise scholarships are gone.
A risky venture. And, what they are going to make; a meager $45,000 to $150,000 !
Also, all that is based on the assumption that you and your spouse have the education, time, and financial resources (for the tutoring) to help out your kids. If not, don’t even bother.
Forget those meager jobs. Think BIG! Take the proven Path: Follow The Guide that will lead your kids to the path of Barak Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Senators, Governors, Mayors of the Big Four cities, Politicians, Bankers, Film Stars, and Chiefs of the Administrative Bodies.
Remember, it is always better to start early. The best time to start is when your child enters the elementary school. But, it is never too late. Whatever level your kids are in now, you can start implementing the process of “TRAINING & PREPARATION for SUCCESS” as outlined for that level. But reading from the beginning will give you a better perspective of the ‘things’.
Below is your complete step-by-step guide to help prepare your kids, or yourself, for the unfathomable success. And, it is completely FREE – Just remember this Author when your kids, or you, hit the Top Slot!
We are going to walk you up – from the Elementary level to all the way up to the PhD level and beyond. Just follow on – that is, if your Timmy is following the path through the doorways of ‘education’. If not, just hold on, there is another Guide coming out soon: “Pimping Your Way to The Top” – Just don’t lose your hopes. Here, we are leading you through the hallways of the schools and beyond.
Most – almost 99% of the people, still have the illusion that they can work their way up to the top with their hard work and talent alone. Let them remain stuck with their beliefs and suffer the indignities of poverty. I am going to show you the fast and proven way and help you to make your American Dream (or The European Dream) come true.
But, first, understand The System you live in. You will have to Work With The System.
Understanding The System
Take a very serious Note:
It is a Hierarchical System. The “Top” consists of SEVEN LEVELS. The very Top Three Levels of the hierarchy are FULL – Assigned to the Ruling Class – the gods of your world. DO NOT even dream to enter there. Just worship the gods up there.
Your American Dream, I mean the “real one”, should be to reach the Seventh Level – and, trust me, it is quite a HIGH up level – select Senators, Governors, and CEOs of the top 100 corporations belong there – think ‘Mark Tuckerberg‘, and the likes.
From there on, if you made it up to there, and if you have what it takes, you can work hard (!) to inch up to the still open Level – the Fifth Level – That is where the Presidents and Prime Ministers of the Western governments belong. ‘Super Billionaires’ and top Think tanks also reside there – the likes of Bill Gate, Henry Kissinger, and Zbigniew Brzezinski. I believe it must be high enough for you and your kids.
The Sacred art of Licking:
Once you recognize this Hierarchical nature of the System, you can easily understand that the real way – the ONLY way, to inch your way up is by licking the A***S of the higher ups on the ladder. But, don’t worry, as you inch up, you will find others below you eager to lick your A*s, too. Very soon you will get used to it and enjoy the licking. So, move ahead.
Your objective is to shoot for the a*s that is, with your vantage point, at the highest spoke of the ladder. From there on, you make your way up to the next higher up a*s. And, just keep on going. Remain watchful, though; you must be on the right ladder to start with. But, don’t worry, we are going to guide you all the way up.
Understand: Dogs and Bitches are needed and appreciated:
As we explained above, the top three levels are the domain of the ruling class – the real Royals. these levels are very thinly populated. The Royals control and rule the masses with the help of their loyal Dogs – Your Presidents and Prime Ministers are the Lead Dogs – the head of the pack.
Realize: dogs get retired, expired, chew each other out, or just get ‘un-doged’ by the masters. There is always room for the new comers. Your task is to train your kids to learn to act and behave like a well trained dog or bitch, as appropriate. More they shed their human like traits and adopt the dogie virtues, faster and higher up they will go on the ladder.
Note: The Masters – higher ups on the ladder, must first recognize you, or your kids – the emerging new Obamas or Hillarys, as a bonafide dog/bitch. You must start acting like one, and start treating our kids like dogs – trained to obey and serve.
Have Faith: The Masters know how to recognize their dogs and bitches.
The Facts and The Rule:
The “Human Dogs/Bitches” come from the broken and dysfunctional families. Even if you are a loving family, it is time to cut the crap and be real – it is your children’s future. Get dysfunctional and abusive. To give you an idea what I am talking about, and to put it in proper perspective, read and pay heed to what the Clintons and Obama have to say about their childhood:
As you noticed, all three of the “Top Leaders” of the late are the product of broken and dysfunctional families, deprived of any human love – Ticket to the Top Spot.
I believe you understand now what I meant. So, let’s proceed with the Training. The techniques learned here will prepare you in making sure that your kids are accepted and adopted by the higher ups as the bonafide, qualified, and certified dogs and bitches – conditioned to make it to The Top.
And, To The Dogdom and Bitchdom
The Common Core Standards & Permanent Files:
With the adoption of the Common Core System in our schools, many things have been changed. One of them is the adoption of the Permanent Information Management System Protocol (PIMP). Under this system, a student’s record of “every thing” is compiled and passed on from one school to the next as the student proceeds forwards. The information system is designed to identify the potential dogs and bitches of the System, and to sniff out the ‘undog worthy’ and ‘unbitch worthy’ candidates from the very early stages.
Data collected by the PIMP will not only include grades, test scores, name, date of birth, and social security number, it will also include parents’ political affiliations, individual or familial mental or psychological makeup, beliefs, religious practices, income, and the atmosphere at home.
Be at alert, if your kids are classified as undog worthy or unbitch worthy, and continue to do so over a long stretch of time without any ‘improvement’, they are doomed, They will NEVER make it to the top. Period.
At this point, to further enhance your understanding how the education system works, we strongly urge you to read The Education Gate – Denial of Access.
Elementary Level – Preparations:
It practically starts from here onward. (I hope you are keeping pace and already taking notes.). Your kids have just reached the age of responding to the vibes at home. At this point, you must set the stage – Remember; yours is a Dysfunctional and Abusive Family. Practice and train your spouse for abuse. Be obnoxious. Pretense of occasional brawl and physical violence (not the real violence) is a must.
[Note: If you happen to be a divorced or single mother, half of your job is already done for you. Just keep up the good work, and follow on :- -]
The idea is that, when probed at the schools – and probed they will be, your kids will relay the “right” information – They are the product of an abusive and dysfunctional family.
Coach your kids to always praise their teachers – and everyone among the staff at the schools for that matter. Encourage them to “hug” their teachers every day. They must say, “you are the best teacher I ever had”.
At this point, they must start practicing being a “snitch” – They should strive to become the “Eyes and Ears” of their teachers and staff, informing them of all the gossip that is taking place within their group, and beyond. If there is nothing to report, they must learn to come up with some make-believe stories. Trust me, with practice they will become perfect.
Congratulations! You have already set the ground for your kids’ success. They are the candidates for the Top Slot. If you have planned well and done your job diligently, from here-onward you are, practically, on auto-pilot.
Junior High Level:
You continue the with the elementary level practices. Add to it the LGBT angle. Start it from home – acclimatize the kids. Kids must be trained to seek out and join the LGBT chapter at their school. If none exists, you have hit the Jack-Pot – petition to form a LGBT chapter at the school. School will be forced to allow the formation, and your kids will lead it.
Bingo! You have now joined the the Winners’ Circle.
At The High School:
It is here you will notice that your hard work is being rewarded. Your kids will head every noticeable chapter and activity at the school. Their names will be posted on the district’s websites as the “Model Student of the Year”.
If you have followed the instructions so far, and have done your job well, you won’t need to worry about colleges, their Files will be forwarded to the top schools, and they will be admitted with full scholarship.
But, what if your kids are already Juniors or Seniors:
Yes, it is a pity that you just discovered this Guide. But, lose not the hope. Jump right on board. Involve your kids – share this Guide with them. Work together to make up for the lost time. Show to the school, and every one around you that your entire family is going through a Serious Crisis – think and plan something out. The idea is to show that the kids are suffering from Trauma and Abuse at home, and they are seeking out support at, and from, the school. They must use this opportunity to join the LGBT club at their school. A few crying fits in front of every one are in order.
Your kids will soon notice many ‘caring’ hands advancing to help them out – They are now on board.
And, The College Leading to PhD:
By now your kids should have mastered all the needed tricks to continue on the winning streak. (Advise them never to let the ball drop, though.) Their objective now must be to join the Fraternities or Sororities, as appropriate, like the Kappa Kappa Psi, Phi Beta Kappa, and Alpha Delta. The Rhodes Scholarship will be the guaranteed ticket to Level Seven of the ruling circle – Your kids now have a good shot on it!
With their acknowledged achievements, they are now the recognized Dogs or Bitches. If they show any talents, beside being the darlings of gays and lesbians, the doors leading to PhD will be opened for them. Just glide by.
They are now at the entrance leading to the top. They must keep on honing the skills they have learned here: A Complete Guide: How to Raise Your Kids for Success – And keep on going forward – licking with ever more vigor. Never letting the guard down.
If one of your kids land at The White House, ask him/her to Remember the Hard Work of this Author.
God Bless you!
As you may know, I am you regular reader. This one, in fact, stunned me – From a serious and analytical writer, all at once you switched to satirical writing. And, my friend, you have proven your prowess even in this field.
An amazingly hilarious piece. Very well written. In a satirical way, it hammers in the point.
Keep up the good work. Hope it will help a few more to wake up!
A master piece! We haven’t read such a work of satire in a long time. Hilarious – “Permanent Information Management System Protocol (PIMP)” – How did you come up with that?
Me and husband passed it over to our friends and family. I believe they will enjoy it as much as we did – though, some may not be very happy.
Well, thank you for making us laugh in these sad times.
A must read for every parent. You have presented the bitter reality in a humorous way. It made laugh, while deep in my heart I was crying – How did we let it happen?
It is a sorry state of affairs. If you want to reach any place, lick the ugly ‘tribal’ asses. Hope, your readers will get what I mean.
Read the post on Linkedin. A marvelous work – Absolutely hilarious. Funny, and, at the same time, very sad. It shows the state of our society. One has to sell the soul to succeed in this world.
I am glade to have discovered this site, though.
Thank you.
Further to our comments above, we are grad students (engineering) at one of the best schools in the country, and, as such, can testify to the state of affairs at our schools. Actually, it is worst than what you can even imagine.
You have to be a dog/bitch to survive. What a shame.
Jim
The Best Satire of The Year!
We are a group of more than 20 people. We were reading it and laughing our heads off. Then, the reality of what it meant sank in. We were no more laughing.
Thank you for presenting the truth so well.
A great piece.
“Forget those meager jobs. Think BIG! Take the proven Path: Follow The Guide that will lead your kids to the path of Barak Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Senators, Governors, Mayors of the Big Four cities, Politicians, Bankers, Film Stars, and Chiefs of the Administrative Bodies.”
I stopped reading after the above. It was immediately apparent this had to be a satire or the work of some libtarded dumb ass. I am glad the latter is not the case. Well done Mister Khan. The names you listed, as exemplary paragons are some of the most despicable, amoral, monsters still crawling about on the face of a very troubled planet due to their machinations. It is time to round those creatures up and stuff them into a dungeon to be treated as ‘special’ by CIA operatives trained in Dick Cheney’s private torture chamber. As for the movie stars, who takes them seriously?
Hilarious, Funny, and witty. Enjoyed it.
This article depicts the True state of affair in our country, and may be all over the western world. Characterless, worthless scums are picked up and promoted to lead various institutes and agencies of the country.
A Gem!
‘undog worthy’ and ‘unbitch worthy’!
Love it.
You didn’t cover the “Psychopaths and Killers” who provide the bulk of Police and Military force.
What the “rulers” will do without its killers?
Thank you for advising us to train our boys and girls to become ass liking dogs and bitches. Rather than licking their filthy a**s and prostitute themselves, we would rather have them work as plumbers and carpenters.
Dear Wilma and John,
It is a piece of Satire. The author, actually, is exposing the System, in a Satiric way, how it loves the kids emerging from the broken and abusive families. It wants only the “dogs and bitches” ready to serve the masters.
Kids from honest and loving families need not apply!
Amazing piece. Very funny. You have a very good style.
Is it a hit piece on LGBT?
Anyhow, enjoyed it.
Hilarious! Absolutely Hilarious!
I still cannot control my laughs. My wife is calling her sister to read it.
A work of Satire, but very true.